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Reads for Changemakers
Life moves at such an interesting pace. So quickly nowadays. Information moves faster, we move faster, sometimes not even peeking up from under the visor of our everyday routine, shrouding us in more of the same.
And we wonder why we aren’t happy.
I went to get groceries today. I went down the same aisles, dropping the same foods in my cart, without even looking up to meet another eye of a human other than the cashier.
Head down, keep moving.
Zipping from one end of the store to the other, having forgotten certain items that never made it to my actual list but popped up in the moment.
Head down, keep moving.
Dragging plastic bag after plastic bag from the cart to my car and running to drop the cart in the right place where they’re collected, thank you very much.
Head down, keep moving.
Loading as many bags as I can onto my arms when I get home—sometimes 8 at a time—from my car into the house, winding around an overly eager pup’s squeals.
Head down, keep moving.
And then I started putting the food into the fridge, which had to be put on pause because I hadn’t emptied the fridge of leftovers and such for over two weeks, and there was no waiting for that.
I grabbed a new garbage bag from under the sink. I knew the garbage was already a bit too full for what I’d need.
Head down, keep moving.
I started grabbing plastic fruit bins and tossing them into the bag. Some leftovers were too far gone to even care about the completely reusable plastic tupperware containers they were stored in.
So I just tossed those into the garbage bag too—I have plenty more.
Head down, keep moving.
I found some spoiled yogurt, grabbed it, and looked down at the bag’s bulging sides, tossing it in and turning back to the fridge.
Head down, — wait.
I looked back at the bag.
Wait.
I not only threw away a ridiculous amount of plastic without even really…noticing, but I also wasted a lot of food. There was a large container of meat that I made and just…didn’t want to eat for several days, a bowl of at least 3 more serving sizes (maybe 2) of mixed salad.
A bowl of rice with beef and onion from two weeks ago when I ordered chinese food.
Several pieces of fruit from the bin on my counter.
And I didn’t even realize I was wasting so much.
Because the truth is that I do care about the environment. I care about wasting food, and I had in fact told someone close to me that I was making an effort to waste less food not two weeks before today.
But I was throwing away a big bag full of it.
I hadn’t even been paying attention.
I move move move, so quickly, all the time, that I don’t even realize that I am not living up to who I really want to be—to who I truly am.
And I can’t help but think a lot of the rest of the world is probably doing the same thing.
Who would we be if we just…paid attention?
If we caught ourselves in the moment of awareness and stopped ourselves from doing something that was against our morals or values or even just our goals?
If we instead chose what we wanted, intentionally, and lived up to that?
.
.
.
Who could we be?
Next time you look in the mirror, consider that your features are a collection of all your ancestors.
Traits have been handed down from generation to generation, skipping around playfully in recessive alleles, or sometimes drawing a straight line of dominance from origin to what you see reflected back to you. Your genetics tell a long story.
What you have received from your ancestors in appearance is much more apparent than what you have received in temperament, talent, preference, etc., but it is all there, encoded.
In the nature versus nurture conversation, all of this comprises your nature.
This genetic concoction took all of history to manifest in you. Your nature is your inheritance.
And then, upon your conception, nurture gets a turn at the wheel. It is easy to imagine nurture’s window of influence to end with childhood. I am tempted to envision myself as a dependent, as a baby being doted over wrapped in swaddling clothes.
When I think of myself being nurtured in a certain way, images of my parents come to mind. When I think of how nurture affects my development, I am less likely to call to mind the choices I made for myself yesterday, and how they effect today.
Albeit, the nurture window is still wide open.
The Nature VS Nurture Debate…Except What People AREN’T Saying
My growth, my development, the nurturing of my potential was not always my responsibility, but as an adult it appears it is mine, and mine alone, entirely.
Thank God. I am so happy and grateful to have ownership of my life.
How fortunate I am to have complete sovereignty over how I am nurtured. I do, and so do you.
An important couple in my life have a plaque over their hearth that reads, “Where much is given, much is required.” Your sovereignty is a great gift.
We had no authority over our nature, but in this moment, as the poem Invictus concludes, we are the masters of our fate, we are the captains of our souls. In order to nurture ourselves well, much is required.
In this day and age, as we have been turned into products ourselves, being in the world and not of the world is a great responsibility. To turn the Spiderman quote on its axis, with great responsibility comes great power.
Marianne Williamson wrote:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure…”
We are powerful beyond measure. However, if you want to see the full extent of your magic, intentionality is mandatory.
The Intentional Nurturing of Self
Let us start with our responsibility, our power, that is, the intentional nurturing of self. Let us recognize that we are not taking this responsibility as seriously as is warranted.
One reason for this is fear, as Marianne suggests. Another reason, one that is quite common in my experience, is ignorance. I can only fix what I realize is broken, and some missteps in my self-management can be chocked up to a lack of awareness. This is a process of slowly waking up to the ways we are diminishing ourselves, and carefully developing healthier habits.
This is a process of learning, albeit the real learning often succeeds conscious unlearning.
We all have a small section of our brains called the basal ganglia. The basal ganglia is responsible for motor control, motor learning, executive functions and behaviors, and emotions. If you have ever arrived at work without being able to remember your drive, your basal ganglia is responsible.
Your ritual behaviors are coded into this section of your brain until they can be carried out unconsciously. Some things that you have habituated have retreated into the unconscious mind, and you do not realize that you are doing them.
Some of these things are diminishing your magic.
In order to take the intentional nurturing of self adequately seriously, you must become aware of your emotions, curious of their origin, observant of the facts, and intentional about the solution.
Here are a couple examples of how I have recently taken more ownership of my life:
I have not watched a horror movie in years. Apparently, the allure of horror movies is hijacking your fear centers and experiencing emotions one does not commonly experience in regular life. This makes me wonder if horror movies could become a substitute for getting out of my comfort zone and experiencing fear in a constructive manner. Even if this is not founded in reality, I know for a fact I sleep a lot better when I read or fall asleep to something pleasant.
I bought an alarm clock. I found that when I would turn off my phone alarm in the mornings, about 50% of the time I would begin scrolling social media, texts, emails and work forums before I got out of bed. Then, before my feet touched the ground I would be plunged into whatever drama the world felt like dishing up. It was always dramatic. I was starting my day as a product of the world, rather than a loving being merely in the world. Since switching to this alarm clock, by the time I pick up my phone, I have gone for a walk, read scripture, exercised, journaled and gotten a fair chance at starting my day well.
I gave up caffeine. There are a lot of things doctors, therapists, priests, counselors and other leaders would deem normal. Anxiety, depression, fatigue, and stress, to name a few. Just because they are normal does not mean I ought to be okay with having them. The same goes for caffeine. Caffeine is a drug, despite its normalcy. Being caffeinated had become my normal state, so much so that I had left behind my natural state. A month or so into its elimination, I returned to a body aware of its energy levels. If I was wired, I was wired on gratitude. If I was tired, I could identify that my body needed food, or water, or rest. If my body was asking for rest, I obliged. I decided to no longer live artificially awake.
I have a lot of ideas of where I can be intentional next. I intend to do a sober month, a month only listening to Christian or other positive music, give up media news, and others, which I will decide once I become aware of where the need lies.
First, You Must Choose to Nurture Yourself
The ways you choose to nurture yourself could vary from these. These are just ideas.
The point is more to inspect your life for where your basal ganglia has habituated default rhythms. Take a good look at the fruit in your life.
Are you happy, healthy, joyful, and connected to the love of which you are created?
Or are other things normal? Are your friendships rich and nourishing, or are they negative and toxic? How is your heart? Open and buzzing with appreciation, or closed and protected?
How are you?
Answering this question and identifying where you want to change will point toward where you are running a default program. With a little digging, you will find where you can nurture yourself more intentionally.
I invite you to take some time and consider what triggers dis-ease in your life. Without being harsh on yourself or others, what is an intentional action you can take?
Matthew Emmorey
Matthew is temporary and finite, but his soul is with yours for eternity. He is an explorer of truth, a dissolver of fear, a destroyer of illusion, and a guide toward love. He is here for you and with you to participate in experiencing God’s highest and best for all creation. He believes in the loving God, the fellowship of the Son, and the influence of the Holy Spirit as the third eye within every cell of his body. He is here to expand, to be seen, to share his experiences, and to evolve together.
When we think of self-development and personal growth, we often think about people who teach it and what their lives look like now…
The Tony Robbins and Brene Browns of the world, preaching their findings to wanting ears. These people who have millions of dollars, a family life to envy. People who are really living a dream that still feels so far out of reach for those of us on the outside, our noses smashed against the glass of their star-studded Instagram feeds, desperate for a closer look.
And when we start trying, when we actually put forth some effort toward real change and making something out of our lives…we end up stuck.
Frustrated.
Uncomfortable.
Angry.
Devastated.
Why do they seem so happy even though they’re doing the same things we’re learning from them? Why does it genuinely just fucking suck to do? Isn’t it supposed to be making our lives better, not worse?…
What are we doing wrong?
After over 6 years of intentional growth in this department, it’s still hard sometimes. But there is a reason for it. And where there’s a reason, there is understanding. What you’ll come to understand here is that sometimes all you need is recognition to trigger a different perspective.
What they never tell you about self-development and its growing pains
It’s called “growing pains” because there are a few parallels between physical growth and emotional and mental growth.
When you’re a child growing up, you outgrow a few things, like toys and jeans and shoes for the physical, and for the mental, it’s things like hobbies, toxic habits, and people. But as you grow, there are actual pains that come along with it. Whether it’s an ache in your lengthening legs or something more emotional. Not every moment will be easy and painless, and oftentimes, these periods come in seasons.
We’re warned about the things we outgrow, but not what that growth feels like.
One late night, right before bed as I was trying to fall asleep with my mind racing. I kept running through why I was having a hard time emotionally.
I had recently been through a rough time with a guy (ugh), and we had a very necessary hour-long conversation after he had done things to hurt me emotionally. During the conversation, I found myself feeling outside of my body a little bit, almost like I was simply watching it unfold.
The Bella from a few years ago—even a single year ago—would have sounded so differently, much more angry and emotionally charged…
But the Bella on that call was calm, clear. She stood up for herself and spoke her truth and that was…weird.
As I was lying in bed falling asleep, I felt uncomfortable. It wasn’t a physical discomfort but something just felt…off. And as I let my thoughts go and my inner monologue take over, I actually wrote down what it was saying about this era of growth for myself—about this very realization nobody actually tells you about self-development:
There will come a time in your journey of self growth where you don’t recognize yourself. You feel like a stranger to yourself. THIS is growth. You are evolving before your eyes. Do not hide away from this, but lean in. Get to know the new you, appreciate it in the moment, because if you’re doing life right, you’ll feel this way again and again over the years. It will feel easy to pull back to the self you know, the one whose thoughts are predictable—albeit worse—than they are with your new self.
Because we find comfort in the normal, even if that normal is uncomfortable.
You have to embrace discomfort in your identity to truly become who you are—who you’re striving to be.
Feeling like a stranger to yourself can cause…issues
Think about a time you were around people you didn’t know at all, strangers.
Depending on your personality type, you may have been fine, even talkative. Or, you may have been like me, quiet and on the outside. Perhaps hiding in a corner, observing.
Now imagine one person finds you, and comes in closer. They invade your personal space, and in fact, they start saying things to you, talking to you as if they’ve known you your whole life but in reality…you have no fucking clue who they are.
What’s your reaction?
No matter if you’re the first type or second, you likely try to back up rapidly, and even say something like, “uh, what the hell dude?”
Because when strangers are in our personal space, telling us things, our reaction isn’t to let them get as close as possible, but to put distance between us because it’s uncomfortable.
Now, imagine that stranger is yourself—and you can’t. get. away.
Is that a bit of an exagerration? Sure, yeah. It’s not an outside stranger approaching you, getting too close, and making you feel unsafe.
BUT!
It could be even scarier because instead of someone on the outside you can move and get away from…
There is no escaping yourself.
And with something like this…you may be tempted to try. Because again, we find comfort in the normal, even if that normal is uncomfortable.
Meaning, it can be easier to fall back into old habits when you feel isolated from your very self. The old you is predictable. You’ve lived with that person forever, you know them, the way they think and act and what they like.
This new you will face challenges you’ve never encountered and it will be scary. Fight the urge to divert back to your old habits and thought-patterns. It’s okay to recognize that, “shit…this feels really weird but…in maybe a good way?”
And that’s just one method of handling something like this so you DON’T go backwards—reminding yourself that not all uncomfortable feelings are bad.
How to get through this specific hardship of self-growth
I’m not just here to tell you the what. I want to actually help you with the how (which to be honest, is a huge pet peeve whenever I read books/blogs about self-development…I mean I GET IT THIS IS WHAT SHOULD BE DONE…but then HOW?!).
It’s not easy. No self-development is easy. If it is, I’m sorry, but you’re doing it wrong.
Here are a few things I do to get through the times where I’ve experienced growth to the level that I feel weird inside my own skin:
1. Do this “outside-perspective” exercise
One time, I was having a hard time with my identity (mostly because of this very topic on self-development—though I didn’t realize it at the time) and I started feeling like I didn’t know who I was.
So I decided to make a list.
I started with with, “I’m the type of person who…” and then I simply listed all of the real things I have done.
Here’s an example of this exercise:
I’m the type of person who…
- moved across the country twice in a single year
- has a job & income I never imagined possible in my lifetime, let alone at 26-years-old
- listens to and reads books about bettering myself all the time
- would rather sit in the uncomfortable truth than to be ignorantly comfortable
- prioritizes mental health even though it’s the hardest thing for me
- eats mostly real, nutritious foods
- journals almost every single morning
- is a leader at work and for my siblings
This is just an example of a few things about my life that truly represent me.
Sometimes, I don’t feel like that person. I still feel like the 17-year-old high schooler who was angry all the time, worked too much, didn’t talk about her feelings, and distanced herself from those trying to get close.
But when I actually write those things out, I recognize the truth of who I am.
If you’re having a hard time, start with something that makes you proud of how far you’ve come. It can be very, very small. When I first started, it was simply, “I’m the type of person who shares my ideas in work meetings” because that was a monumental step for me.
2. Talk to a friend about this specifically
The reason the above exercise works so well is because it forces you out of your head. You get to see who you are with facts, written down on the outside.
Talking to a friend about how you feel about this stuff can do the same thing, especially if you’re an external processor. So ask a friend if they have a minute, mention you’ve been working on yourself (they should already know, because support systems are vital), and tell them what’s on your mind—that you feel like a stranger to yourself because of how you handled a certain situation (or whatever triggered those feelings to bubble to the surface).
Most of the time, they’ll sit there and tell you, “I see you as that new person, you’re not a stranger to me.”
That alone can make a huge difference. It can bring that stranger-you close enough to metaphorically hug.
3. Remember that it’s a passing phase
These feelings are temporary. You won’t always feel like a stranger, and in fact, the amount of times you feel like a stranger to yourself will diminish with time.
The more you grow into the self you want to be, the more you’ll learn to understand this discomfort as growth. You’ll learn to embrace it, and even acknowledge it as a sign you’re getting better.
Self-development is hard. It has growing pains that are unique to each of us as well. This specific one is difficult, because none of us wants to feel like we’re alone inside our own minds. But recognizing it, and learning to understand and cope with it, are a huge part of the self-improvement process.
Ultimately, it will help you take ownership of your life and grow in to bigger and better things.
As soon as we hit semi-adulthood, their advice changes.
And it’s no longer speeches of great people following their dreams and doing what they love but instead replaced with a seemingly scripted narrative about how we need to be realistic.Go to college to get a good paying job.
Be realistic.
My thoughts on all of ^ that? It’s bullshit. It’s toxic, and I’ll explain why below. But this shit is so real for me. Growing up, I wanted to be an actress. I was obsessed with it and would spend hours going over monologues, acting them out in my room, even making up my own stories. And people in my life supported this!… Until high school came around. Because when I was 8 and doing an English accent and waving a stick around like a wand, cursing my annoying older brother, it was cute. But when I was 17 and still refusing to prep for college…suddenly teachers and parents and grandparents were like, “But wait…you can’t do that.” Now, to be fair, I realized after a few years that I would not enjoy acting for real. It’s much different than goofing off in your room in front of a mirror.You can just have hobbies you enjoy.
BUT, my point still stands.
I was encouraged to pursue my dreams…but only until it clashed with someone else’s limiting beliefs. It wasn’t until I learned to say “fuck them” that I really started to thrive in my life.- Why you should follow “do what you love”
- Fulfillment
- Increased energy (without coffee?!? what? YES!)
- Impacting others
- Finding what you love to do
- Take note of high energy moments
- When do you lose track of time?
- What do other people notice?
- Try new things
- Think about what you hate doing
- Discover what you’re good at
- Keep evaluating
- Think about what’s easy
Do what you love IS advice you should follow
There are so many pieces of advice out there that say not to do what you love. Hell, as of writing this, the first Google result for “do what you love” is an article about why you should ignore that advice.But the problem with everyone being miserable shits is that they’re doing exactly that.
Growing up to think we can do anything we want, especially something we love, only to have it ripped away by bitter, “realist” adults can throw a wrench in our lives.I know too many people who did just that and are now scrambling to be happy in life.
The thing is: doing what you love doesn’t mean you need to force a career out of a hobby, nor does it mean you’ll end up hating what you once loved because you do it all the time.It’s about discovering what you enjoy and finding ways to use that in a career so you’ll be fulfilled…
instead of dragging your feet through the door each night and collapsing due to mental fatigue because you hate what you do.Why should you do what you love?
I could list so many reasons to do what you love but I’ll stick to a few of the most important ones. In case you’ve been brainwashed for too long (which is most of us, let’s be real), here is why you should do what you love.1. It’s fulfilling
One of the biggest reasons people are unhappy is because they’re not fulfilled. And maybe this is you. Do you feel like you’re wasting your life? Like you have so much more to give but can’t because you have to go to that damn job every day? This is actually super common. When I worked in human resources, I went home drained. Exhausted. I felt like I was wasting away and time was flying by while I did nothing to make me feel like I was actually contributing to anything. This is the gap.By doing what you love, you won’t feel like you’re wasing your life.
You’ll feel like your life is being lived instead of like you’re just going through the motions.2. You’ll have more energy
Raise your hand if your job drains you. Mine diiiiid! So many people can’t get their life in order because they come home drained. They have no energy to make a healthy dinner. No drive to exercise to heal their mind and body. No desire to work on any of their other fulfilling hobbies because their job has taken all their energy. It sucks. It’s so hard. And that’s why you have to find and build a career you truly enjoy.Because what happens when you do what you enjoy all day?
Your energy tank is filled. Think of it like this: an introvert can’t spend all day socializing without becoming drained and an extrovert can’t spend too much time by themselves without exhaustion creeping in, right? Right. It’s the same with doing what you love. When you’re in a state where you enjoy what you do, your mind is engaged, your body is excited to be there, and your energy tank actually fills up. You might think it would be the opposite but when you’re in a career you don’t enjoy, it takes all your energy to stay alert and focused. And that’s why you go home SO DAMN TIRED. Action step: think about a time where you had a bunch of energy. It seemed like you could go all day long and were excited to be there? (comment this down below too–writing something down helps it stick!)3. It’ll rub off on people around you
At my job (Self-Publishing School), we talk a ton about impact. Just how much we can influence those around us without even trying or thinking about it (and really how writing a book can expand this significantly).Did you know that doing what you love can make those around you happier, more fulfilled, and impact them to make the same change?
It might seem silly, but picture this for me: You wake up in the morning happy, excited even. Getting out of bed is easier, and so you have more energy (and time, without hitting that snooze several times!) to make a healthy breakfast. Your roommate/partner/kids come down to see you’ve got a plate full of healthy brain-food, a steaming cup of coffee, and are motivated to do the same. Your day is increasingly better after a full meal packed with nutrients, and your roommate/partner/kids discover that theirs is, too. They start thinking about what their life would look like if they could do that every day. They start contemplating how to make that happen because damn it looks good to be in a happy mood first thing in the morning. From there, they start exploring how to find what they love (which I cover below!), and soon, they’re waking up right along with you. Where you two chat about new findings, your lives, and ultimately, you grow much closer as a result.All because you made the choice to pursue what you love in order to better your life.
Sound good? It is! And yes, this really happens.
She went home and quit her job.
Now, she works with kids and is so excited to go to work every day, helping shape the minds of those who will be taking care of all of us in our old age. Disclaimer: I don’t really encourage that you go around telling people to quit their jobs. Most people can’t and I didn’t say a damn thing about leaving her job (directly). She saw my life, what I had created by doing what I truly enjoy, and decided to make a change on her own. I maaaaay have challenged her when she was complaining about not enjoying her job, but that’s it! So while dong what you love is sooooo important for you, it can also help better the lives of those around you, and the lives of people around them.How do you find what you love to do?
Okay, okay. I’ve prattled on long enough about why you need to do what you love but…What do you do if you just…don’t know what you love to do?
This is hard. It seems like it should be easy. You like something, you do it. But that’s not how it works and it can be a lot more complicated to find what you’re truly passionate about and then actually make a career and build a life around it. Here are some of my best tips to find what you love to do.1. Take note of when you have the most energy
When you’re doing what you love, your mind and body is engaged. It feels like you could go all day without getting tired and sometimes… you might even forget to eat! Okay, maybe not that (for everyone), but I really want you to start focusing on when you have the most energy, when do you feel like your attention is focused and you’re just in the zone? Those activities are the ones you actually enjoy the most!Like I mentioned above, the activities that actually give you energy are the ones you love and should be focusing on.
When I’m writing, I hardly notice the time passing. My only focus is on the writing, what I’m saying, the words that are flying from my fingers (and sometimes how astonishing my typing speed is!). Doing this hypes me up. I get excited and invigorated. The more I write, the more excited I get—about how people will receive it, how much it can help someone else, and how enjoyable it is to get all this stuff that’s stuck in my head, out into words. What is that for you? What excites you no matter how many times you’ve done it?2. When do you lose track of time?
Have you heard of “flow state”? It’s a big thing going around and basically just describes when you’re so focused and in the zone, you lose track of mind.It’s like you have blinders on and can only see or hear or feel what you’re doing in that moment.
Those are the things you should spend your life pursuing (assuming they’re not causing you or anyone else any harm because like…drugs can cause that same effect but are not the same). So what is this for you? You might not even notice when it’s happening so the next time you didn’t hear someone call your name because you were so focused, write down what you were just doing. In fact, write down why you were so focused. What task had your complete attention that way? Activities in this area are the ones that will make your life the most fulfilling. When you’re engaged in such a way, you feel like your time isn’t wasted and you won’t go home exhausted and drained.3. What do other people notice you enjoy?
The thing about doing stuff we love is that sometimes we don’t even realize how “in the zone” we are.Because nothing is impacting us negatively in that moment, it can be hard for those times to stick in our minds the way doing something we hate does.
We’re often so close to our passions, we don’t even realize they’re what we love to do the most. For example, I never really knew that writing was something I truly, really loved. I’d always made good grades in school in the subject, but I was a high performer all around, so it never really stuck out. But when I was 19, living in a new city, and starting another waitressing job that made me want to peel my fingernails off, one-by-one, because it would be more enjoyable than plastering on a fake smile and bringing rude strangers their food, I needed to find something else.So I, like many millennials, took to Google and typed in: Work from home jobs.
The term “freelance writing” popped up and a lightbulb went off. I figured, what the hell? I’ve always been good at writing. I know computer stuff and have been interested in blogging since I was 14. After landing my first few clients, writing about stuff I actually enjoyed, I realized that all my time reading, all that time flying through writing stories in classes was pointing me in this direction. I truly love writing. And it took my own desperation to escape the service industry (something I’m just not cut out for after having worked in it for 5 years) to figure that out. Now, this wasn’t necessarily someone else pointing out what I love. But it was a situation where I didn’t realize that what I love to do was right in front of my nose all along. But when I told my friends and family it’s what I wanted to do, they were all…not surprised. Their reactions were “Oh yeah, that makes sense.” Because they saw my love for it before I even did.4. Try a lot of things
One of the sad realities of life is that people can go their wholes lives without discovering their passion…simply because they just don’t try stuff.How do you know if climbing mountains is your passion unless you try it?
There are things I love doing that I never thought I would until I tried them—like blogging, SEO, writing, and all that good stuff. Now, I couldn’t try a lot of things growing up. We were broke as shit with 6 kids in the family (8 during some holidays and the summer). So my options were super limited until I got older and gained some freedom. Trying things doesn’t have to cost money, either. What are some things you always thought looked fun or interesting? Have you ever tried writing a book? Have you ever taken a dance class or tried to copy a routine from a Youtube video? Have you ever went out of your way to offer someone advice and found that you were really good at talking them through it?Trying new things can help you discover passions that you just can’t know if you don’t try it.
It’s like food. If you’ve never tried something before, you’ll never know if you like or don’t like it. That’s just a fact. So I challenge you to try something. Even write in the comments something you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t been able to! Let’s get some goals in place to make it a reality 😉5. Narrow down what you hate doing
What you love doing will likely be very far away from stuff in your “I hate this” zone, which makes the process of elimination much easier! This way, you won’t even try stuff you know falls into a category of stuff you usually hate doing: like paperwork.When I was in human resources, the paperwork made me want to slam my head into the wall. Repeatedly.
And that was 80% of my job. So when I quit to move and become a nanny (and freelance writer!), I knew I couldn’t look for a job with those same things. I also discovered that working in a corporate environment, especially one littered with bigotry (I know! In human resources!), wasn’t for me. I didn’t like reporting to someone and having someone hover over my every move. I’m fiercely independent. Years as a child being responsible for myself and younger sisters made that so (I mean, my mom had too many kids to cater to each of our needs, so I often did shit by myself). Which meant working with a ton of other people or reporting to a strict supervisor was not for me. And that’s why I initially Googled “work from home jobs” so I could be my own boss, essentially. Now, I do work for a company currently, but it’s 100% remote. And my boss? Super hands-off, so while I still report to him, it’s still like I’m my own boss, and I make my own schedule with what I do and when. So long as I’m getting my shit done, I get left alone to do what I do best. And that’s what I need, because I hate being micromanaged—a lot. But that might not be you! You might love the standards and having someone else craft what you do and when because your specialties lie in executing on those things. Maybe you love assisting someone, clearing their plate so they can do what they do best, because what you love is making other people’s lives easier. In ^ that case, you’d make a dope ass assistant (wanna work for me or??? lol). The point is, narrowing down what I knew I hated allowed me to find a career and job that I enjoyed because I cut my list down to things that didn’t require any of those things. Action step: do the thing! Write down a list of what you know you hate. Is it having a strict schedule? Is it writing? Is it having to be in meetings or give presentations? Once you have that list, it’s much easier to find jobs that don’t require those. Note: Keep in mind that there will likely always be stuff you don’t enjoy about any career you choose. Even people living their best dream have shit they don’t like doing. For me? Not a fan of meetings, not a fan of email tracking and follow-up, but it’s part of the job. The point is to find something that has the smallest amount of things you hate.6. Discover what you’re good at
Now, what you love and what you’re good at aren’t necessarily the same thing. However, we usually tend to enjoy the things we’re good at more than we don’t.And that can help you narrow your passions.
And not only that, but when you cross what you love with what you excel at, you’ll find a super lucrative position that allows you to grow into what you enjoy most. But that means you’ve got to discover what you’re good at. We all have strengths. For me? I’m a great writer. But I also love helping people and have a knack for strategic thinking and seeing things in a big-picture way. That allows me to be a great blogger and content marketer. I can see what’s working across several areas and it gives me insight into what to change or alter to make other blog posts or strategies work. You might be amazing with people! Naturally able to carry a conversation that feels like you’ve known each other for years. You know what you’re good at. And if you don’t, ask other people. Ask your parents or guardians what you were good at as a child. Those things usually carry over into adulthood, even if you haven’t spent much time doing those things since you were a kid.7. Keep evaluating what you love as you go
This list should be growing. The more you lean into doing what you love in life, the longer your list of “loves” should grow.Usually, when you dive into what you love, you end up discovering new things you enjoy in that same area.
For example, I love writing. It comes easy, but I never thought I’d love the strategy, planning, and tracking of blog information or SEO tactics the way that I do. But because getting into a career where I write introduced me to all of those things, I can now add them to my list of “loves,” which allows me to grow further into a role designed by what I enjoy most. So don’t stop once you’ve figured out your thing. Keep your list and allow it to evolve because you grow every day. What you love today might be shadowed by a larger love down the line. The process of crafting a life where you get to do what you love isn’t a one-and-done process. It’s ever-changing, just like you.8. What’s easy for you?
Just like we can’t always see our passions because they don’t negatively impact our lives, sometimes we bypass them because they’re easy. We don’t pay much attention to things that are simple for us and therefore, they hardly ever stick out in our minds. For me, that’s writing. I never even knew writing was a skill until my senior year of high school when I took a creative writing class. I thought everyone could jot down what’s in their mind in a cohesive order… It wasn’t until I had to peer critique stories in that writing class that I learned…that just was not the case lol.But that’s my point.
What is something that’s easy for you to do? Something you don’t even have to think about but excel at? It could be something creative, like writing. But it could also be something not creative. Think about these things:- Are you great at talking people through their own problems?
- Do you excel in seeing issues before they arise?
- Are you someone who can negotiate anything with anyone?
- Are you really creative and talented in thinking of new ways to approach situations?
Doing what you love changes your life. It changed mine. But it can be a process to get there. If you don’t start now, you’ll only sink further into the hole of an unfulfilled life. Start today. Start right now.
